turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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