What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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