I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
