I CAN MOONWALK!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
