At least make sure they are 18
Why
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
