I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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