at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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