We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
