Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
