onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
