i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
