I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
