I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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