He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
