its not stalking. its research.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
