I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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