I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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