Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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