There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
