just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
