I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
