That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
