i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
