I skipped work to stalk him.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
