captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
