He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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