Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
