she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
