i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
