i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
