And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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