She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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