Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
