i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
try to milk me bitch
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