Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
