I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
