I should be sponsored by Trojan
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
