in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
