I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
