Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
