At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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