well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
