He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I don't deserve a penis
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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