so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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