Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
