i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
