do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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