The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
