Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
farters have to be the big spoon...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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