I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
