i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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