I puked a lego.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
